Thursday, August 23, 2007

A Mother's Lament

Wow - working on my 12 th day of work in a row, no real knitting progress, although I knit the heel flap and turned the heel last night on the 2nd Quince sock. So, practically no knitting news.

Tonight was back to school night for my eldest, who is starting a grand adventure. I don't like to reveal too much about my personal life, but after the school orientation tonight, I feel completely inadequate to help her with this new adventure. She has special needs, but can function somewhat independently. Tonight however, I worry that I'll be able to "let go" properly. You know, the old mothering instincts kick in. I could feel myself tearing up in the one classroom, as I persistenly explained to all the new teachers about my daughter. She's a joy, but oh my, how I fret and worry (mostly needlessly)! She'll do fine, but what about me? How do I let go of things to make her stronger? How do I teach her about the world that I've protected her from for so long? How do I tell her that most days, I feel lost too? I don't know. Again, I don't have the words. I feel so inadequate, yet I know that she has made me a better person, and I'm proud to be her mother.

Now, will somebody help me loosen my grip? In my heart, I know that this is a good thing for us. Growth always hurts a little, but God is good. However, I still think I could arm wrestle the Incredible Hulk (dating myself with that reference) and win (that's how tight my grip is sometimes)...........

Stay tuned - I'm hoping for some pictures of knitting progress this weekend. Or maybe there might be some peaches that need to be canned (and some tomatoes too). Never a dull moment. The upside of these activities - gripping can be good, even encouraged (with canning of course, not the knitting)!

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