Sunday, July 27, 2008

Can We Be Honest?

Can we be brutally honest? It's very hard to put my personal feelings or anything at all very specific about my life on this blog, because, well....basically anyone can see it, and that makes me a little nervous! I worry that if I reveal too much about my children, something lousy will happen (there are demented people out there, I know it). I worry that if I reveal too much of myself, people will think I'm a bit crazy....(OK, more people than those that already know I'm a tad anal).
But for right now, I'm going to be brutally honest....I'm in over my head with the details of life right now. I have done it again, and tried to please everyone with doing everything that's expected of me. Is this smart - definitely not. Is it adding to my happiness, apparently not, as I'm typing this with tears in my eyes. Is it adding to my interactions with my family, no sirree. Definitely not. They are seeing way less of me, and when they see me, let's just say, they don't get "the best ME" that there is. Shameful, I know.
In my haste to please everyone, I am doing the following this week.....
1. Play practice every night from 6:30pm until ? Performances on Friday and Saturday night (probably at least 2.5 hours with intermission).
2. Work - 40 hours (although they are potentially giving me off tomorrow for lack of work - very unusual, but I'm taking it as a sign from above).
3. Normal everyday life like laundry, and cooking.
4. Major trip to Boston Children's Hospital for yearly check-up (although our first to Boston) for my eldest daughter. It's a BIG deal. We used to go to St. Jude Children's Hospital, and that's a long story. We have transferred our care to Boston, not at our own choice, but thankfully, someone is willing to oversee her rare disease.
5. An annual work review this past Friday by my supervisor, who had never seen my work as a nurse before (it's kinda hard to take her along with you on visits in patient's homes). She accompanied me to a visit that lasted 1.5 hours in the patient's home. This time doesn't include charting, which she will be reviewing after it's complete (which is pretty much is).

I think this may be it, but I'm sure I'm forgetting something. Oh, yeah....hey the house that we bid on recently fell through (only we bid on houses in a recession). They turned down our offer over three weeks ago....but the Real Estate agent called again today, and will be calling tomorrow. Apparently, the house isn't sold. I'm not sure how to feel about this with all of the other things on my plate.

And to this I ask you, WHY, WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? I'm a sheer wreck (mostly for the silly play, which is fun at rehearsal time, but is striking mere panic through me at the thought of a live performance). Didn't I know there would be live performances when I signed up - of course I did. I wanted to raise of awareness of live theatre in our small community. It's just not the best time to be doing it. But can I leave them high and dry with a week to go - NOPE. So I will do it, and I will enjoy it. I've got to put a positive spin on this for my emotional health.
The trip to Boston? We are at the mercy of the doctors. It was scheduled after the commitment to the play was made. BUT, again on a positive note - Morticcia has dangled an oasis of comfort. More later about that.
Work - I like my job. I hope that the slowness doesn't mean lack of job security. Last week, I was unbelievably busy, so I doubt it. There is one thing you can count on in health care. People get sick. That's a horrible bottom line, but there it is. I only hope that I'm an asset to their organization, and that somehow, my meager offerings as a nurse will make a difference in people's lives, one by one. Very Hallmarky, but terribly true.
The whole new house thing - I'm putting that off until after Boston - I just can't comprehend it now. I've resigned myself that if it's meant to be, it will be. And if it's not, well then God has something better in mind. I'll keep you posted.

God....I don't share a lot about my faith on my blog posts. This causes me severe angst at times. Mostly because I don't feel worthy to be sharing, as I'm pretty imperfect myself. But I can say this. It's not going to be my sheer power and force alone that will get me through this next week and a half. I will be relying on my family, my friends (you all included), and my God, whose grace is sufficient for even paranoid and worried little me. If you get a moment this week....keep us in your thoughts....

And how about a little knitting to close? The two pics attached to this post are of the log cabin squares for my wall hanging. I think I have 9 or 10 finished, and I need 20. There's some progress!

And this's amazing. I'm knitting a sweater for myself for our trip to Vermont this fall. I had better get cracking!
And that blue vest? What blue vest? I think it's hangin' with the frogs or about to take a dip in the frog pond! :)

Have a Happy Week!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Only Knitting Can Make One So Delusional!

Yes, only knitting can make one so delusional. That "one" is actually me. When we were at Maryland Sheep and Wool, we passed the famous Designer Tess booth. It boasts very colorful gorgeous yarns and patterns. There is always a line at the checkout area, and well, bottom line....I didn't resist the draw this year. I scouted out their patterns. It was hard to do in May, looking at worsted weight yarn for a sweater or some heavier garment. But I managed! Ha! Ha! I picked a pattern for a vest. I know. You read it correctly. I wrote "A VEST." I am not usually the "vesty" type of person, I simply don't wear them. But I thought this looked pretty simple, and it had that simple selling line. "One skein makes this beautiful, easy vest!" Can you see the 1950's advertisement for it in your mind? I can, and I did. I was sold. Especially on the color (the dichroic bead hanging from a necklace displayed with it may have drawn me in slightly more as well). I bought the yarn and the pattern. It is the most gorgeous shade of blue. I love me some blue. I got it home, and low and behold. The only size that calls for one skein is a size...........wait for it...........SMALL. Now, maybe 10 years ago, I could have shoved my rather "blessed" self into a small, but no way, no how now, Mama. So, I, encompassed by the yarn fumes, figured, well, I'll e-mail the company. The display model surely would have fit me, and I asked what size that was. Of course the answer was...........wait for it again, please.........."oh, it's a SMALL." I am beginning to hate the "small" word. Again, empowered by overwhelming yarn fumes to cast this project onto some needles, I did what any sensible knitter would do. I started knitting with said yarn, and then I measured gauge. Yes, you read it correctly again. I actually checked my gauge (albeit, after the knitting commenced, but still), and was paying attention, and really trying to knit loosely on those size US #7's. I GOT GAUGE. Yesterday, on my day off, I was happily knitting away on the vest, watch "Pride and Prejudice" in between throwing softball with the youngest, outdoors, in the afternoon heat....where was I? Oh yeah, happily knitting away on the back of the vest, coming down to the decrease rows, when I held it up and REALITY hit me. Truly, I felt the smack of it on my cheek (of my face of course). There was NO WAY I was fitting into this vest. No way, no how. I think I have enough yarn to EEK out a medium. It will be close, but the yarn cake left is still pretty size able, and I have maybe 30 rows to go yet. I think I might give it a whirl. Why not? The yarn fumes seem to be powering my delusional thinking that a small would fit.....why not see if I can knit the medium with one skein of the worsted weight yarn?
Dang those yarn fumes......they sucked me into the play next week too! Where's the chocolate?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

A Lesson on "How to Say YES!"

More aptly, this post should be entitled about a lesson on learning how to say, "NO!"
I'm not good at that, you know. Saying, "NO" to things I really can't handle, what with the responsibilities of house and home.
But alas, I'm committed to doing the following: I've got a pretty size able role in a community play that's opening on August 1st (of this year). Yes, you read it correctly. I'm doing a theatre production in the beginning of August. Granted, it's community theatre, and we've thrown this thing together since the beginning of last week, but I'm hopping to practice 3 nights a week for two or more hours at a shot, and trying to maintain my sanity. I've got my children looking at me funny as I launch into monologues (while cooking supper) that I have been trying desperately to memorize. The whole memorization bit is a tad harder the older I get, I must confess. Yet, at the same time, it's undeniably satisfying and fun. The play is entitled, "Sandbag, Stage Left (or, One Dead Dolly)," by John Antony. It's a courtroom scene and set, but the characters are really the showpieces in this parody of "January 16th."
Personally, I love live theatre. I've always been a fan (I studied music education for 3.5 years in college before I became a nurse, and I was surrounded by the dramatic) of live theatre. There is a local group that does seasonal productions each year, and for a mere $6/ticket, you can watch a live theatre production, albeit in an ancient "thrust-stage" theatre with 70's style cushions. Wait, maybe they are from the 60's - who knows....there are so many orange flowers one could never correctly tell, what with the dimmed lighting, but I digress. I would much rather see a live production than a movie any day. But don't get me wrong, I love movies too, I just prefer the live audience and the live performance, because you never know what's going to happen. And that, readers of my blog, is precisely what I'm afraid of. I'm terrified I'm not going to learn my lines, or if I do, what about those peri-menopausal moments when my mind goes blank on good days, when I'm my own person, let alone me impersonating a prosecuting attorney (my role in the play).
So, it's off to play practice now, as I cruise along, listening to my new Beatles album - singing at the top of my lungs, with my window down....aging diva (HA! What a joke) that I am!

Enjoy this view, the knitting has been sparse. This is a budding grape vine, shot earlier this spring. If you look at it closely, you'll see the tiny buds of grapes appearing. Also note that the picture is a lot better than my usual. That MIGHT be because I didn't take it. My hubby did. He's great!
BTW..........Did I mention that I'm in charge of the music for bible school in two weeks, and have about 5 knitting projects on the go, a trip to Boston in early August, 2 doctor appts for my eldest daughter next week, a full time job, a bid on a new house, and sleep to fit in there? My, my, my.........did I say, "NO WAY?" Impossible.......I must have said, "YES, I'M FREE!" How about you? Where are you over committed?

Saturday, July 5, 2008

All In The Family

In this post, I feature the handiwork of my eldest daughter! She is not typically my "crafty" kid, but she has sure surprised me this summer by finishing this latch-hook kit that she started about two years ago. She made significant progress on it this summer, and as you can see, it's finished as of this week.
I'm extremely proud of her! She's my "tom-boy," and doesn't like frills and such. Crafting really hasn't been her thing either. But she has done well with this kit, and has moved onto another one. She has even inspired her younger sister to start one! I guess my love of crafting is contagious, or maybe genetic.
I'm already mentioned that I'm very proud of my oldest daughter, as she has many special needs, but works hard to accomplish things. I'm proud of her, not only because she can complete a project that requires some endurance, but she is also doing some volunteer work at a local hospital this summer. She is a candy-striper (that's what they're called here in PA), and she works in the inpatient pharmacy two days a week. She travels to the hospital with my dad, who also works there (obviously not as a volunteer). I had to laugh at her tenacity this week, when she approached the head of the pharmacy, and told him that next year, she thought she should be considered a part-time employee for her work. Got to love her boldness!
As for me and my knitting, well, startitis is rampant. I've got the following on the needles.....
1. Log Cabin Blanket - currently working on square #7 out of 20.
2. Jaywalkers in YP Killer Bees for DH - they are resting....yes, that's what they are doing, they are RESTING!
3. Just cast on for a Easy Breezy Vest with yarn from Maryland Sheep and Wool. The project is made with Tess Designer Yarns and I'm loving it, and it's just mostly stockinette with some simple increases and decreases.
4. Just cast on for the lace KAL. I'm knitting the Creatures of the Reef Shawl. I must be out of my mind, but I cast on the 437 stitches and knit the set-up row tonight. WOW! I'm taking it one row at a time, and spending some serious time reading charts and researching life-lines. No, I don't mean like phone a friend or anything! This is my first, serious lace project. I'll let you know how I make out with it. I'm knitting with DIC's Baby. It's a nice yarn so far, and I like it very much. I'm knitting it in the Beach Fog colorway. Wish me luck!
If DH will let me download his pictures from his camera, I could share some fireworks photos from last night - they are really cool! How did you spend Independence Day?